Finding Satisfaction
Anita Clayton, M.D., a University of Virginia Health System psychiatrist and author of the recently published book, Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy (Ballantine/Random House), shares tips on how to find a satisfying sex life:
- Think of yourself as sexy, as a sexual being. When your partner says you are beautiful, believe him.
- Try exploring what you like and don't like and share this with your partner.
- Give your partner a chance to please you. He can't change what he doesn't know.
- Unsure about your own desires? Ask yourself: How do I feel about sex? What limits my response (cultural or religious beliefs, past experience, exhaustion, low self esteem)? What would I like my sex life to be like? What's missing? How could I change this?
- As you explore these questions, try writing down your feelings and desires.
- Some things keep us from being emotionally close. Look at your relationship. Does it limit intimacy? Is your partner controlling? Does he represent your father? Are you in love with him? Can you change this?
- Do you repeat relationship patterns? What are these patterns? Are you stuck? Do you know how to change it?
- If your partner has performance problems, can you both try new ways of doing things?
- If your sex life is lackluster and you don't know how to change it, see a therapist or your doctor. Don't settle for a dissatisfying sex life.
If you'd like to make an appointment with a sex expert at UVa Health System,
call 434-243-4646.