Grief, Bereavement, and Mourning

What is Grief?

Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death), in response to symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce, change in body appearance, or loss of a job), or in anticipation of a loss. Each type of loss means the person has had something taken away. Everyone reacts differently depending on their personality and coping style, relationships, past experiences, and cultural and religious background. The process takes time and should not be hurried. [back to top]

What are bereavement and mourning?

Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced. Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss. Cultural customs, rituals, and society's rules for coping with loss influence mourning.

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What are some of the normal feelings of grief?

Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or emotional reaction. Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death but there is no order to the grieving process.

Some emotions you may experience include:

  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Confusion  
  • Humiliation 
  • Denial
  • Sadness
  • Despair
  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Yearning

Some physical feelings you may experience include:

  • Crying spells 
  • Headaches
  • Diarrhea  
  • Nausea 
  • Dizziness
  • Restless or irritability
  • Fast heartbeat or tightness in chest
  • Tiredness
  • Feeling a lump in your throat
  • Trouble concentrating or sleeping

These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods may change. Sometimes the feelings can be strange and scary. During the first few weeks after the loss of a loved one, almost any type of reaction is possible and normal. [back to top]

How can I cope during this process?

You may start to feel better in small ways in about six weeks. This is the time when you will begin to reorganize your life around your loss. You begin to develop new habits and lifestyle changes and make plans for the future. Remember though that grief takes its own time. Be kind to yourself.

All cultures have developed ways to cope with death and loss. Some common ways that can help you cope during this time include:

  • Ask for help and support from family, friends, or a support group, and try to express whatever you are feeling, be it anger, guilt, sadness, or relief
  • Accept that some things, like death are beyond your control
  • Avoid making major decisions until your judgment and perspective return
  • Take care of your health by with regular physical activity, eating balanced, nutritious meals, getting regular rest and relaxation
  • Keep up with daily details so you don't get overwhelmed
  • Read books or poetry on the subject
  • Keep a diary or journal
  • Encourage others to talk about your loved one.  [back to top]

How will I know if I need professional help?

If your grief seems like it is too much to bear or you notice any of the following you need to seek help from your doctor, clergy, counselor, or other professionals:

  • You are unable to function appropriately at work or home
  • Your have extreme feeling of guilt, worthlessness, or depression that get worse
  • You have persistent trouble sleeping (particularly when you awaken early in the morning and can not get back to sleep)
  • You lost or gained more than 10-15 pounds
  • You are overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts
  • You have physical symptoms that do not make sense. [back to top]

What else should I know?

People trying to help during the grieving process often mean well but might not know what to say or do. Things that are most helpful during the grieving process include:

  • Sharing the sorrow and talking about the loved one and feelings of loss
  • Offering practical help with cooking, errands, etc.
  • Remembering that it can take a long time to recover from a loss and that everyone goes at their own pace.
  • Encouraging professional help if it seems the pain is too much

Grieving is a difficult but natural process. With support, patience and effort you will survive. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories.  [back to top]

What are some books or resources?

Albom, Mitch. Tuesdays with Morrie. Random Books,1997. After not seeing his mentor in over 20 years, Mitch decides to visit Morrie, who is dying from ALS, every Tuesday. Their rekindled relationship turns into one final class: Morrie teaches Mitch how to cope with death and how to love life.

Buscaglia, Leo. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1983. Freddie and the other leaves on his tree pass through the seasons and, with the coming of winter, fall to the ground. This warm and sympathetic parable explains the delicate balance between life and death.

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